im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play
scene: tumblr comedy club
(man walks on stage)
(wipes sweat off forehead)
N.. uh.. [coughs again] Neon Genesis Dorito
honey, you’ve come to the wrong part of the internet. tumblr is a place for the sad, the depressed, the lonely, the tortured souls, the endless suffering, the abandonment of all hope, the cruel existential reality of the universe itself
im fucking killing the internet
A friendly reminder that Seiga’s danmaku involves shooting dead fetuses in your general direction.
Homing dead fetuses.
my fellow maericans, annouced predisent obama in a loud voice. id like to tell you all something i have decided to give everyone free money. “you can t do that” said speaker in the house john bahner. president barack looked at him sternly. “its a free country” said obama. john baner blushed bright red. “i forgot about that sorry” he said
“but it’s not a free country. Everything comes at a price.” Said one smart person.
no, no one said that because it’s not funny
this wasn’t funny at all either. It just shows lack of knowledge towards economics.
independentsknowpoliticstoo couldn’t help but overhear the young girl in the booth behind her talking to her mother. “Knock knock,” the little girl said. “Oh, who’s there?” replied the mother. “Canoe.” “Canoe who?” “Canoe help me with my homework?” the little girl sang out cheerfully. Her mom gave an honest laugh; it had been so long since she heard such a joke that she wasn’t expecting the punchline. Independentsknowpoliticstoo paused from eating. “did i hear that correctly? is that mother really going to allow such a thing?” Independentsknowpoliticstoo turned and saw that the mother and her girl were smiling at the joke. “Excuse me!” independentsknowpoliticstoo said, rising, not expecting to be excused but intensely motivated by principle. “Did you hear what your daughter said?” The mother could barely sputter out a response for being so confused by the question. “That ‘joke’ just now, did you not laugh at it?” “Oh, uh, what? Yes, I mean, Yeah I did, the knock knock joke. I’m sorry, what is this about?” the mother asked, her eyes on her daughter, hoping she wasn’t going to be upset by this stranger. “That joke was not funny at all! It just shows a lack of knowledge about the English language!” independentsknowpoliticstoo decried. “‘Canoe’ isn’t the word you would use. You would say ‘Can you’. And you would do well to remember this, little girl,” independentsknowpoliticstoo said, now looming over the young would-be comedian. “I know much more about jokes than you, and let me tell you this: Jokes are no excuse to not be serious. A joke about similar sounding words shows ignorance of grammar. A joke about poultry jaywalking shows ignorance of the norms of communication. A joke about politicians saying things that kids would say shows ignorance of economic policy! Knock knock, who’s there, a visitor you were expecting. Now THAT’S a JOKE!” independentsknowpoliticstoo said, finishing with a hearty laugh. The restaurant staff, after a brief pause, erupted into applause. The mother, flushed with embarrassment, put some bills on the table and rushed her daughter out, past the disapproving looks of all those who overheard. “Finally, someone who stands up for humor,” said Jerry Seinfeld, who happened to be there, “I’ve been doing stand up for decades, and not once has anyone answered my sincere plea to be informed of the history and rationale behind the airline food service characteristics I laboriously outline in my act. Nobody takes jokes seriously enough. This country is doing downhill if not for heroes like you.” The next day a ticker-tape parade was held and President Barack Obama signed a law that independentsknowpoliticstoo will be president forever and he can do that because it’s a free country.